It appears that this year has finally caught up with me… last March – 85% of my home was destroyed in a flood.  My son and I were cooped up in a hotel for 3 months and, as anyone who has been through something like that can testify – you spend days sorting through old sentimental items, some destroyed and some salvageable, and each making you wonder what the heck is wrong with you for caring so much about some letter, picture, piece of fabric… it sucks.Sometimes these things are what we have left, to touch or read or look at, of some special time in our lives or to remember a lost loved one.  Something tangible that helps you connect to that memory.  My dad’s burgundy velour shirt and the smell of Old Spice… I couldn’t have been more then 6, but I remember hugging him in that shirt and breathing in his cologne… thinking he was the most wonderful man in the world.

So, the year is topped off with the loss of my grandmother - my last living biological grandparent… and I see, for the first time, this woman who was so much to so many people… outside of the context of who she was to me… my Grammie.  A smiling laughing beautiful girl full of hope, a world war II nurse, mother of 4, married and divorced and married again when you just didn’t do that… oldest sister to 5 impossible boys and one baby sister at the end of the pack of wild men… friend, volunteer, historian… 

I hope during this holiday season, we each take time to know each other in that big context… and to give everyone we love a big hug and remember it… your own respective velour shirt and big breath of Old Spice. 

My father was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer when I was about 7 months pregnant with my son, currently my only child.  Now, we are a family of activists.  I in essence “inherited” our state prostate cancer coalition and perhaps the genetic predisposition to be an activist from my dad.  My son has grown up around prostate cancer… attending awareness events, taking grandpa to treatments… and I’ll admit – I’ve worried about this.  Now that he is moving into his adolescence, I am beginning to believe that this experience and exposure has done something wonderful for him and someday the world… at 11, he founded and is the leader of a comic book club for his school – a charter school with no art program.  He saw a need and came up with a creative solution to address that need.  Every week, he uses his own money to buy dinner for a particular homeless man that we always see.  Creativity, leadership, and a compassionate heart.  These are qualities that he has both developed, and chooses to act upon.  I believe that this is because he sees these qualities all around him.  One of the biggest benefits to doing this work is the wonderful people you end up surrounded by… my son, as a bi-product of our family’s loss, has been constantly witnessing acts of compassion, kindness, and concern – and he believes that if something is not right, you do whatever small thing you can to fix it.

For years, I’ve watched groups and individuals working to fight prostate cancer bite themselves in the butt.  It’s fascinating…

What leaves me speechless is the lack of compassion, understanding, and ultimate appreciation that these groups have for one another.  All around me I see greatness, groundbreaking leadership, unique individuals that lend something precious and irreplaceable to the cause… and 9 times out of 10 the best they can do for each other is criticize.

Hot topics of late:

1.  The blue ribbon – so what if not everybody likes it?  Some people do!  So don’t discourage them with words comparing the blue ribbon to the iron man (rather woman) of cancer causes – “breast cancer pink”… who the heck is that going to motivate?  Let them be grassroots… build it over time – just like our sister cause did… throwing a big BS wet blanket on it won’t help.

2.  Women in the movement – ok, yeah we’re important.  It’s way more manly to do it (screen) for your wife, daughter, mom… but all and all – we need to get these guys to man up for themselves… us chicks have enough on our shoulders;)  Know we love you, and do it!

3.  Who “won’t work with us” – who cares?  I only care who will… even if it is only on a fraction of our personal big picture.  We’re all not going to agree on every last point – so buck up and be friends on the points we agree on… all the rest will come out in the wash one way or another.

I recently saw a comment that “the word prostate itself is a turn off to men.”  OK… if that’s the case, you’re just not saying it right.  If you’re female, try a little breathy with a wink… if you’re male, guy it up like you’re in a locker room or something…What a ridiculous comment to make in regard to activism… I wonder if anyone has ever polled women on how they feel about the word “breast.”

When it comes to prostate cancer activists, one issue in particular has confounded me for years… that is, when I hear statements such as “we are competing against a lot of prostate cancer awareness and advocacy organizations.” 

As prostate cancer activists we have only one true competitor… prostate cancer.  Any organization working to end prostate cancer death and improve quality of life for patients, survivors, and others impacted by this disease is an ally.  Even if we would ordinarily disagree on absolutely everything else – in this fight, they are an ally. 

Now, I realize the initially mentioned “quote” is a reference to funding dollars.  But let’s be real guys (and gals) anyone who is doing this for the money isn’t doing it for the right reason.

If an organization has the creativity and talent to win dollars for their program, we should be happy for them in the same way that we would be happy for a dear friend who got a new job or some other mechanism that generally improved their ability to achieve success.  Even if we applied for those dollars, we should graciously acknowledge that, for whatever reason, they were a better fit for fulfilling the needs of the funding organization – which may or may not translate to exactly what we want to do, or how we believe it needs to be done.

When I look around, I see a wealth of resources… organizations that try to do everything – each shining and excelling at least one thing in particular.  If each one focused their energy on their own area of excellence, rather than trying to do what everyone else is doing (a practice that creates an atmosphere of competition over collaboration), we could propel this cause forward in a way that truly reflects the hard work put forward by the advocacy community.

With all my heart, I believe this to be true.